Today’s piece is more of a statement than prose or a poem. There aren’t many rhythms I can think of this very moment. All I can think of is escaping from a family that has lost its mind in ways I never thought would happen growing up as a lonely kid in the South Bronx.
I was assaulted yesterday by my brother, again. I don’t have enough fingers for the amount of times he has laid hands on me over situations that have nothing to do with him or just pure madness from truths he is unable to accept deep down inside.
Unfortunately, he’s been a junkie who overdosed, needing his mother to pick up the pieces to a life he can care less about. He sits in his room all day, playing video games while contemplating his own death on a daily basis. And, quite frankly, it doesn’t phase me whatsoever. There is never a second in the world where I care enough to help someone who lied to put me in jail, twice. There will never be a day where I’d extend my hand to someone who thought it was okay to destroy my entire space and spitting in my face after as if he’s a tough guy.
This is an individual who has hit his own mother, but has been beaten up outside by others smaller than he is over his own drug use and ill attitude towards others.
I may have had my own situations in the life where I’ve had my disputes with others, but not to the degree he has. I only have done so to defend myself because of what other people have done to me.
But, this time around I’m not so mad. I’m just upset that it got in the way of my poetry last night. I’m upset at the fact that I’ve wasted so much time smoking for the last seven years of my life instead of working enough to move out of my family’s “dwelling” place. A place where I’ve spent too much time overthinking my own self and problems.
When push comes to shove, there is nothing to be worried about regardless of all the threats I receive. With a job I finally feel comfortable in enough to sacrifice a bit of my time, no habit to interfere with my ability to raise money, I’m confident enough to say that I will be out of here in no time.
As much as we want certain people to change, the truth is some people just don’t ever change. Unfortunately, some make it to the grave without ever making a single attempt to make a 180. Only 360s across a board they vehemently crash on with grin raised from their numbing sedations. And, I have to accept that. I have to accept the fact that my relative is currently one of those people. Who knows, maybe one day that person will change. But, one thing that will not change is how he is no brother of mine.
A brother doesn’t choke their brother until they can’t breath after dealing a lung collapsing in these past recent months. A brother doesn’t make it his mission to embarrass his brother by spreading his personal life to as many people as possible. A brother simply never doesn’t anything to hurt his brother in any circumstance because of hard truths one must accept about themselves.
Nonetheless, I digress. I’m happy not having family by my side. At the end of the day, I’m not fond of drinking from a fountain of poison. I’m only fond of looking above at a sky, following a trail of stars I hope would lead me into a life of peace and prosperity. Does that mean I’m perfect? Not at all. I still have flaws. But, those are flaws I do my best to work on every single day unlike some people I know…
m3l0dicverse 
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