I find myself asking often, “What am I doing with my life?”
And, I don’t really know why. I’m a writer, poet. I perform as many times as I possibly can throughout the week. I have a job allowing me the free time to be myself. What do I really have to complain about?
Sure, my family may not be as cohesive as I desire it to be. Me having a girlfriend feels impossible with the amount of interest I lack to pursue anyone nowadays. I don’t possess the amount of money I need to get my own place at the moment. But, dead I am not. Alive I am. Breathing still, regardless of pressure.
Yet, something feels off. Lustful temptations keep attacking my mind like the fly in your room refusing to die no matter how much you swat at it. Angry my heart becomes the longer the day goes, making my entire day feel like a waste of time trying to keep my head together…
Why? What’s wrong with me? Just, what do I need to do to feel happy again. To feel joy without it feeling like a nagging chore. Why can’t my soul be imbued by the Lord’s love without any God-forsaken demon aiming for my sanctity? Sanity? Whatever label you want to place on it.
Who knows. All I know is that I’m a writer. A poet. A warrior with a will to keep swinging my sword at any and everything getting in my way. I figured, eventually, that moment will come. Where I’ll smile no matter the bruises. Where I’d master my silence and keep my lips shut from shouting my disgust. Life is nothing without faith against all odds.
Emotions are emotions. We may be angry. We may detest the reflection we stare into at times. Some nights we may feel like sticking a fork into ourselves with so much on a plate that seems better off shattering. But, emotions are a puzzle we can solve and bring to our control. Who cares about what our mind is attempting to convince us of? Why not step forward and demand it to understand what we so dearly deserve?
Peace. Peace above everything else, once and for all…
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