Come To Think Of It… – Day 14, Never Give Up On Your Dreamz

Come to think of it,
I’ve never dealt with our breakup in silence.
All I did for the most part is,
Play the blame game while finding a reason to keep fighting.
Calling you so many times in a day,
Everyday,
For conversation I should’ve had with myself in my mind and,
Cope with what I did without feeling as if I needed to die in,
A world with so many other women I once had a chance to build with…

But,
I chose to keep crying
Drunk by a dream of us getting back together and,
Here I am.
Hungover,
Full of angst
Irritated by the man I see in a mirror I’m desperate to smash.
Angry at how I must stay in one piece when in the inside,
I’d rather crack.
And break through these four walls I’ve been trapped within,
Without anyone around me to extend their hand…

The edge is where I’m at.
Gripping on to every bit of sanity I have left.
I can’t get her out of my mind,
Even though I don’t want to see her any more every moment I close my eyes.
Eyes closed by a line of tears I do my best to write,
In a poem instead of rolling a joint full of everlasting lies…

With no one to pull me up,
While I feel to weak to do so,
What do I do?
Do I just fall?
Will splattering onto concrete get her attention for one last call,
Regardless if I won’t pick it up as a lifeless man with death in his palms?
Do I crash and allow myself to be embalmed,
In her joy of seeing me gone?…

I don’t think so.
That would be too easy,
Eliminating myself from an equation I know I can solve.
By writing until I see three’s,
Reeling until I fall into a deep sleep,
Watching it all add up to some degree of freedom I couldn’t see,
Each time I chose to dream of an early grave six-feet deep…

Just,
How do I get her out of my thoughts in peace?
Never will I hate her,
But,
I don’t ever want to wake up,
Over and over again,
In dire need of speaking to someone who doesn’t even think of me.
Come to think of it…
When do I ever stop.
Smell the roses and,
Think of ‘Me’?…