Here, But I Have To Be – Day 4, Never Give Up On Your Dreamz

Valiant efforts are laid to waste,
Nowadays,
When I try to smile without forcing myself to.
Sorrow tends to drown out my laughter any time I humor myself with a different hue.
I can’t seem to think of another color,
Besides red,
To use on a canvas where I picture myself dead…
A truth I’ve tried to avoid regardless of any joy I’d attempt to spread…

Yet,
As angry and depressed I’ve been,
No longer do I want anyone to pull me back up from the edge.
Just,
Let me fall and get swept away by riptides until I can’t be found,
With no regrets,
As I allow my sweet nephew to look up to the only one who won’t confound,
Him now anybody else I dearly care about…

I’m nothing to rely on with a mind crowded by the only voice leading broken men like me into a promised land.
One day He’ll understand,
It’s by God’s hand,
How he’ll be delivered from the temptation of a suicidal death like I have…

All I can do for my beloved is provide a shield in flesh rotting faster from its own mishaps.
A shield that’ll withstand the whiplash from anyone with any kind of riff raff in mind…
And,
I will take a bullet and die for an angel sent to give me second life.
I may have never asked to be reborn,
But,
I will fend for His for as long as I can open my eyes,
Even if I’d rather leave them closed in a world where euphoria is sugarcoated as a lie.
The least I can do is be veracious and avow how sweettooths will only persuade you to bite down on deceit and chew what will crush you in the inside…
In time…