Three months into sobriety from marijuana and I cant believe it. But, as proud as I am from deciding not to encase every grin away behind a curtain of smoke, I still feel trapped.
Recently, I began a new job hoping I can eventually pay off my college debt to go back to school. My first two days of training went great as well, encountering the King of Baseball, Aaron Judge, on my very first day of training. Yet, the encounter with a Yankees superstar didn’t make me happy in the slightest. If anything, all I saw was his human side. All I saw within myself was my need for a hug from a friend. Better yet, my need for God’s touch in hopes to receive one at my day’s end…
But, a hug? That’s not happening any time soon while I straighten my life out from my own dubious choices. I guess I pushed others away until they all fell off the mental plank I placed them in for reasons I can barely recall at this point. Reasons they hold close enough to keep me far, far away from them…
It just hurts, you know. Although how I’ve acted was bad, I’ve seen other situations where others have done worse, yet still had others by their side supporting them in their climb back up from their underworld of devastation.
Maybe, there’s a lesson to be learned in this loneliness seemingly eternal. A loneliness that tends to go away whenever I think of how God granted me passage leading me past an Abyss of lowly temptations. After all, unconditional love is forever when you follow God’s way.
What if that’s what I was meant for? To show others how loving God is regardless of our mistakes. Because, no matter how I feel nowadays, All I hope for while I sit in the middle of this bed is to help another person smile. Through the only few things I have left. A journal, a pen and a poem…
m3l0dicverse 
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