Banana Peelz

I want to be better than I’ve ever been.
And,
Every time I smoke I’m fallen after taking every hit.
Boxed in by a sedative alleviating nothing but my readiness,
To burn a bridge only leading me into a Hell I’m in.
Meant for a soul dead of any light no matter where you look inside of it
Despite of its lack of hesitance…

But,
What I am I to do?
Still have a blunt in my hand burning while thinking of a line or two.
Still stuck on an ex while cornered and vexed,
Unable to monitor my mind the way I’ve wanted to.
Every window of love closed in my face after being seen as a virus in the eyes of those I thought I wouldn’t lose…

Still.
I gather my feet and dust off my shoulders,
From a ground I’ve been beat on as I’ve grown much colder.
Because,
If I sat down any longer waiting for a phone call from anyone now that I’m sober?
I’ll be waiting till the day I die…

No punchline.
Just,
Truth of the matter while I try my best to live life,
As happy as I can as a man without anyone by his side.
What other choice do I have when I’m stigmatized,
As a monster for the anger that I’ve held inside,
For longer than I should have as I implode and shout axioms derived,
From the real picture of a situation filtered by so many lies,
Those with hidden skeletons would love to hide until the end of time!
Skeletons exposing themselves the more you deny,
Who you truly are after peeling off your disguise…

“Change won’t happen if you don’t break the habit.”
Hard coming to terms with that reality standing in,
A room surrounded by four walls,
And,
A fifth in my mind I’ve built without a clear understanding,
Of why I did ever since I was kid trying to grasp this,
World and all of its obscurities I pray to uncover with a pen and pad erasing my demons,
Through an image I’m fiending to materialize because of good reason…

I want to be better than I’ve ever been.
And,
Every time I smoke I’m fallen after taking every hit.
Boxed in by a sedative alleviating nothing but my readiness,
To burn a bridge only leading me into a Hell I’m in.
Meant for a soul dead of any light no matter where you look inside of it
Despite of its lack of hesitance…

But,
What I am I to do?
Still have a blunt in my hand burning while thinking of a line or two.
Still stuck on an ex while cornered and vexed,
Unable to monitor my mind the way I’ve wanted to.
Every window of love closed in my face after being seen as a virus in the eyes of those I thought I wouldn’t lose…

Still.
I gather my feet and dust off my shoulders,
From a ground I’ve been beat on as I’ve grown much colder.
Because,
If I sat down any longer waiting for a phone call from anyone now that I’m sober?
I’ll be waiting till the day I die…

No punchline.
Just,
Truth of the matter while I try my best to live life,
As happy as I can as a man without anyone by his side.
What other choice do I have when I’m stigmatized,
As a monster for the anger that I’ve held inside,
For longer than I should have as I implode and shout axioms derived,
From the real picture of a situation filtered by so many lies,
Those with hidden skeletons would love to hide until the end of time!
Skeletons exposing themselves the more you deny,
Who you truly are after peeling off your disguise…