The Date’s Still On!

What’s it mean when you sit down and,
Can’t utter a single word out nor,
Express how you feel any moment you try to let go?
Of everything.
Everything that’s been weighing your mind down into the kind of darkness you promise to never fall back into…

Tell me,
What does it?
Because,
A heart can’t keep beating to the echoes of silence while isolated from the human touch in its entirety.
Purpose seems to fade when you lose touch with what’s truly real.
And,
That can only be none other than,
Love…

My question as a lost adolescent went from,
“Does anyone even love me?”
To,
“Why don’t they,
What’s wrong with me!?”
To…
“Why don’t I…
Love me?…”
A dagger still piercing through my walls of curiosity till this day.
And,
All I can ponder of?
A blunder I have coated with false strength.
As if my fall from grace didn’t leave a scratch on my face.
As if,
Suffering consequences after a cause and effect was not a part of my fate!
As if,
Death and I never had a date planned,
At an eatery where the menu has your name,
Embedded in your own blood…

Yet,
An answer isn’t what I desire.
Control is what I’m in dire need of while I aspire to obtain my freedom!
Freedom from my need for weed and needless other demons manifested in a vice,
Gripping each limb until they’re pieced up in front of my eyes,
With no where to go while bleeding out a life,
I could save.
If,
I finally just say,
“No!”
To Mary Jane.
And,
Her temporary Love!
That,
Was never real in the first place…