Faded By Blunt Smoke

Everyday I was faded by blunt smoke.
High in the sky where the clouds cloak,
All murderous thoughts from head to toe,
While light shined bright in plain sight,
But still alone I was,
In a spot where light had last shone…

Now I’m spotlighted.
Spotlighted while my mind’s in crisis.
Indecisive,
About whether I should fight this in a dark room,
Where its middle grounds are brightened,
But still blinded…
Who wants to swing at air,
Out of breath,
Hit nothing but shadows in a vise grip?…
While drowning in conundrums your sanity lies in…

Please,
Excuse the rhythm written,
For melodies hear pain and get smitten,
Meshing into broken records looping,
“You aren’t shit,
You’re not a man,
You’re broke and a bitch…”

How can you soar when the scorn,
Looks at your pen,
Paper and isn’t supporting?
Knowing her first thoughts after your conception is a used up table and abortions?

Looking up at her hug her Georgi bottle more than me?
Drunk with a need for love I threw up shots just to fill a void in,
Here…

Nowadays I’m sober and it’s clear,
Giving up blood (gang) for blood (family) left me abandoned except the stage I stand in,
So I’m swinging,
Out of breath while I watch these punches keep landing…

Because It doesn’t reiterate how my life was a mistake,
How I should’ve felt a blade the second I poked out my face.
It broke me free of the cuffs she strapped me in as I kept the chains…
In hopes to remind others what can happen when you’re trying to build a name…

No longer am I under control,
But in control…
I’m spotlighted…