I Belong Nowhere

Struggling with our sense of belonging is quite common.
I mean,
All of us desire family,
A group to be apart of without ever going bitter,
Rotten.
But,
Sometimes?
The apple falls far from a tree left forgotten.
Not a single pot of water poured into the ground,
But,
A pot of marijuana smoked while surrounded by the sounds,
Of your dreams…
Crumbling along each step taken back into a town full of fiends…
Without a sense of control over their emotions and,
Memories…

New York City!
Well…
On second thought,
Before ever going forward with a lesser thought,
Impossible to add up with a state of mind subtracting what would fester plots,
Of suicide inside a conscious already risen from a box it sequestered promptly,
I rather not kid myself over adolescent worries leading one to act lofty…

Like,
Placing stress on my shoulders because of weight crashing down on another.
If I can’t lift it,
Even with a spotter in assistance!
Why would I risk being smothered!
By a fall I was never part of to begin with?
I’ll just…
Let it all come crashing down while dodging pieces of debris I refuse to get hit with…

Never mind this city’s problems,
As I should be focused on my own before I’m swimming into Rock Bottom,
Once again!
With a swig of liquor on the rocks and a spliff!
Dying in my decadence.
Better put,
There is no such thing as a story in a newspaper that is new enough to give attention to!
As it is all repetition…
For the same views.
The same money spent,
Like your time,
Even if you already know how they all conclude!
While you have no clue how yours will end just,
Battling to accept a cold hard truth no one really wants to…

So,
Does it even matter as to where I belong?
I’m…
Just alive attempting to sing a song,
More joyous than the last track on a playlist gone dark.
While everybody else around me croons along.
No longer!
Do I care about belonging in a place impuissant in nature?
All I care about is seeing light,
When I close my eyes as I savor,
The fruits of life I look forward to share with my future neighbors…