I wouldn’t know where to start after fasting for 24 hours straight regardless of how hellbent I am to change my entire life.
Because, no matter how angrily confused you’ve been for the past x amount of time, you’d think you’d know the beginning to a new life you’ve built inside of your mind already. You’d think you have a clear picture when in reality, it just becomes fuzzier than ever.
Sure, I know that I want to write for the rest of my life. I know that speaking in front of others in some form or fashion is what I’m destined to do. But…
This pain. This anger. This feeling of Indignation…
Never does it want to go away. It wants an eternal stay in a place it doesn’t belong, my bleeding heart. My question to a beast I haven’t been able to slay is, how did It get there in the first place? How could I have let an intruder slip through the cracks of a heart broken by everyone I’ve ever loved? Who knows…
Agonizing, yes. But, deep down inside I know the answer to that daunting question. Putting all of my eggs into a basket that caved in, ripping from the bottom as I witness all the contents splatter on the sidewalk is what probably did it, you know? Whether it be my ex-girlfriend, the alcohol I graciously quit or marijuana buds I’m still plagued by, I should’ve given myself more food for thought that would’ve satisfied my hunger for clarity rather than depriving myself of every nutrient keeping my mind, heart and body running smoothly. Forsooth will I fall and suffer vanquishment beyond measure if I do not eat the fruits of life…
Joy. Laughter. Being faithful, patient and kind to others. Being gentle and controlling one’s self. The goodness in one’s heart. I just pray that…
I can feel all of that one day, sooner than later…
m3l0dicverse 
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