Nights At The Museum

Eyes glare at me as if I’m a museum exhibit.
Stuck behind walls made of glass,
But,
The art I display is not for show while I fix my act and revitalize my waning spirit.
Yet,
Others stare,
And stare,
With a chuckle here and there,
After witnessing what most in New York city call a tragedy.
A pair of hole-ridden shoes with the same hoodie worn for the past few weeks…

But,
Who cares about my pain?
Although I carry a dark past,
My skin is too light to suffer from a blackout,
Blinding me from seeing better days.
Past suicidal thoughts taken as a joke after being told I’d be weak if I dug out my own grave!
As all I wanted was to throw a curve ball at my demons and feel some relief through a change…

Who else really needs to care besides myself?
Weak I was not for finding ways to cease my existence from this Hell,
Made through misdeeds leading to my world’s departure,
While deemed unworthy of any help!
I can only bank my sea of tears with a sure (shore) line of love and accountability,
Instead of drowning in a spell of weed,
Hard liquor and gun shells…

Up to me to smile and dream big in a city plagued by madness.
Every stroke of my pen is limitless while I write a story only I can make happen!
The kind of story all of us can write as authors of our own,
By dumping our pasts into a grave rather than our passions…
Matter of fact,
Keep staring!
As I conjure up my wonderland through the hat trick,
Of bringing what’s been buried in a rabbit hole to the surface…

Because,
I’m tired of hurting,
Refurbishing scars through memories I replay in my head without purpose.
Just to end up crying and shouting in front of who I shouldn’t battle against.
That man in my mirror who stands tall while searching for,
Bliss…

Bliss within His own grin any time I step forward to the plate.
Bliss I won’t find inside of memories of family who said I should die the second that I wake.
Bliss I won’t find inside of memories of an ex who would never say,
“Thank you!”
Under my care during her stay at a hospital for days on end…
Bliss!
I will only find by letting every one of them go…
Seeking forgiveness from God while I face my sins,
As I vow to repent…