Securing My Mind

Jobs are hard to stay consistent with, at least for me. If there is no purpose my soul can find within any kind of structure of work, then by God will I rebuke it to the hottest flame Hell has to offer. But, as a former top flight security guard in the boogie down, South Bronx, I enjoyed each and every headache I’ve received at the Shelter.

For those that don’t know, poverty is popular in the Bronx. More so a forced popularity by each vice coursing through some of our veins. An epidemic of addiction coercing some of us to make decisions we never would. Hell. Some souls are so used to wandering, homelessness, that once they are blessed with the availability of a shower, some still choose to lay on concrete full of filth piled up for years. Makes you think about change and how rich in mind you must be to care for your own safety and health…

Before stepping into the lovely ole’ Shelter, a residential building meant to help homeless people and those of low income with cheap rent and egregious counseling, I needed to remind myself of how poor others are, especially as a man coming from such circumstance. And, what I’ve noticed thus far, most are not poor because of a lack of amenities, money. Most are poor because they see themselves at the bottom of their own totem pole. Minds starving themselves of all fruits Life has to offer them…

Feces typically splattered and spread all across 3rd floor. It had a stench so putrid that standing next to it for a mere second would singe every tiny hair inside of your weary nose. Most wouldn’t shower until they smelled like pee resting in a bottle for a month, at least. Foot odors maliciously clogged my nostrils from feet that haven’t been washed for weeks, months in some cases. Flies of all kinds invade and zip through our 4th floor balconies like incredibly advanced Aliens hovering above Earth in their ‘flying’ saucers. Others with rotting, decaying flesh hanging on their infected cheeks fill the air with puss, gushing blood and hopelessness. Worst of all, counselors with attitudes stinking up the place just as bad trot through the halls, smirking while collecting profits instead of showing those in need a different, better life…

Nonetheless, it’s been difficult for me to take in. But, still. After escaping my own mental turmoils, never have I been that consistent when working on that job. Coming from similar positions in life where I once believed I was complete garbage deserving of nothing, I understood how they felt. Dealing with alcohol, I understood how their addictions can take them over. Lacking the human contact I’ve needed, I understood how lonely they may feel as the days go by…

Most people believe a guard just sits by and watches a camera all day. But, little do others realize, we play the roles of therapists more often than actual counselors. Whenever tenants needed anything, from a garbage bag to an ear listening to them, they come straight to security’s desk. And, as security, you’re either kind enough to help or you’re not. For me, I loved sitting on my chair while listening to another speak about their existence. Like the old saying goes, you can learn at least one new thing in every conversation you have, as I’ve learned so much about society and myself through others. Because, one thing you’ll definitely realize when working at the lovely ole’ Shelter, you learn that God and Love are the only answers to life. Money doesn’t do shit but pay bills or worsen what you’ve been suffering through…

Waking up, smelling my neighbor’s coffee and being on my way to help someone? It felt like it was my responsibility. To keep spirits high and full of light. Nothing but love to offer in such a dysfunctional world that needs it. Because, I’ve simply been there. There were times I didn’t shower for a week. Times where I bought marijuana and booze rather than food for an entire month. Nights where I was simply passed out, sleeping on my own piss because of drinking too much. All which hurt my body with physical pain not one soul would want to feel…

Only reason why I started getting up in the morning while being more depressed than before, was because I got on my knees and prayed to God. Not only for myself, but for so many other souls crying internally. Cries most of us would just walk past and ignore while crying inside ourselves…

God eventually kept me around my passions, inspiring my palms to write more poetry. All resulting in meeting such wonderful people, giving me a reason to fall asleep with a smile, without a hint of alcohol and marijuana flowing through my system…

I now wake up hoping to provide the kind of love this world needs. And, in return, I’m blessed with inklings of gifts given to me by those who appreciated being treated like a Human. Symbols of gratitude that make me smile back, without fail. Best of all, how can you not love the blessing of seeing another smile after having such a rough day?…

Peace & Love ❤

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