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Like Even Stevens (Written In 2018)

I need a break from insanity.
Make reservations with a woman called Vanity.
Why self destruct under constructs created by my own pain?
Whenever I don’t pay my inner child any ounce of attention,
While driving on a road to ascension,
Whatever anybody wants to name it…

I thought I was only human,
Losing control,
Going through certain phases.
I’m struck by critique,
Taken as ad absurdum.
A dreamer dreaming too big in a poor circumstance versus draconian measures.
I lay the law down on a land which chose me to be its messenger,
At least it feels like…

I can’t help but ask why.
Why do divine skies shroud my mind in darkness?
As a modern day nitwit stitched with what seems to connect my wears and tears to my fears.
And I fear that one day I’ll act out what the beast inside of me calls for.
Refusing to pick me up when my heart rings for something different…

I rather envision a day where I eat more than one meal.
On good days,
One whole meal is a steal.
Like the hope my mother robs me of as she frowns upon my pen.
Which I fell head over heals for it…
I wish I can join my father on a diamond field rather than sport it…
Shining blinding lights unmasking a character I am not…
When I ran away from home more often than making my way around the block…

Who doesn’t hope for a check with 6 figures?
The number of the devil trapped inside of our sinful desires?
In each others’ eyes as we conspire,
With either angel or demon resting on each of our shoulders…

You never know who you’re dealing with.
Who am I say a word when I’ve been sleeping with a siren in my mind screeching vices into my ears drums,
Playing songs dehydrating my eyes,
I can’t cry anymore…
I move on without judging the actions of another.
No matter how many stab wounds smother my spine.
Shame on me to waltz back into a dance I’ve tripped in many times…

It should’ve been obvious to not hypothesize change in those flip-flopping in the shoes they’re walking in.
You can’t afford to let them get a kick out of you when your love is priceless…
Blood or not,
Even then certain types don’t match when sharing what’s inside of us…

It’s a complex world we’re in.
And I like to ask others often,
Which would you say you have?
Whether it be God or Napoleon.
I like to think that I’m Dynamite holding tater tots in his pockets.
Although I’m a ticking time bomb hungry for profit,
I’m cut from a green that grows from the soil underneath my feet as I’m prompted,
To write stories of habits prodigal in the eyes of monsters.
Holding me inside the same image I view them as…
How crazy is that?

Reflecting emotions I’d assume an entire Universe feels.
Wounds disappearing at the snap of a finger to heal,
Altogether as words flow and reveal who we truly are,
Instead of concealing our fate in silence.
Lips sealed shut by every card life deals…
Your life’s timeless.
I’d know.
I’ve tried taking my mine during moments I felt like dying.
And I’m still here.
With a purpose found in loving myself regardless of how ugly life is…

It’s the reward you earn when you do what makes you happy.
When you say “I dare you to rap with me,”
As if my bones aren’t atrophied
Bleeding internally.
On the brink of collapsing on a stage,
To my feet,
Going deaf,
Wrapping your head around what brought me closer to death.
With an answer if you mock and cross me over.
To thorn your crown,
Kneel and watch you die while my song cries like J-hova.
Just a small warning for anyone as I’m trying to get big on leftovers…

I was born ready to die for my craft,
With many suicidal thoughts at hand…
While all I hope for is for others to find love as deep as I have,
For each page that allowed me to write my own life story…

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