Letter To An Ex

Pockets full of dimes,
Although,
Worthless.
Rocking my bed at night,
As a pro at work with,
A state of mind so fragile.
Thinking I’m ready for commitment,
Yet,
Truth be told?
I’ve been more fond of raffles,
Bagging different numbers until I hit the jackpot,
But,
I’m baffled…

At my lack of satisfaction,
While I search for my soulmate in a frantic fashion.
I mean,
She was found,
But,
Was lost when my mind was mashed with Madness.
Those hits of weed she passed and matched with.
Eventually became toast through some drinks we clinged in the name of happiness…

Tried to forget her for so long,
I forgot what her favorite color is.
But,
I can’t forget the feeling I felt when she was smothering,
My lips with hers so luscious…

I just want to taste them again.
Taste the hints of raspberry I will never get again,
From the sour women that I come across,
Playing games with my head…
Milk I wouldn’t want to sip unless,
The tricks and games are past your eyes. While we get hot rumbling in bed,
Or,
Clinging wine glasses,
enjoying each other’s company…

But,
I’ve come to see,
How I was a problem.
All you wanted was to be at peace,
And I disturbed it everytime I came out of pocket.
A pocket as empty as the void in the middle of my chakras…

Yes,
You had filled it once,
But,
I accidentally dropped my well of love in an ocean of monsters.
Who fed off of my joy any time they heard laughter coming from my mouth,
Forcefully propped up,
On a body that became fragile from drugs and booze keeping me down,
On my luck…

Thinking,
“I guess that’s what you get when you try to love your family better.”
A knife thrown to my chest in hopes to silence me from trying to piece my wrongs together.
Wrongfully kicked out to the streets by Mom knowing your dead Grandmother wouldn’t let her.
Mom lying anytime she speaks about supporting your dreams to the letter.
Wondering why in the world would she ever do this to me,
When my love and success is,
Hers as well…

Nonetheless,
You’re happy now.
Without someone next to you,
So sad from the doubt,
I received by my own blood.
What makes me smile,
Nowadays,
Is knowing that you’re smiling every single day that passes up…

God bless, I love you.

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