“Oh, he has to be gay!”
At least, that’s what I was told by a woman I refused to give attention to while walking with her child laying innocently inside of his or her stroller. Why was my lack of attention toward her looks important enough to insult me while walking by, though? Who knows! Only God knows I can care less to know.
But, with paranoia and anger permeating my atmosphere, her words filled my empty void with enmity only a lonely, degraded soul can ever feel. In retrospect, she could’ve been playful with her words rather than hateful and, for lack of a better word, a bitch, but, that isn’t what reverberated through every crying nerve inside of my body…
All I felt was disgust as a broken man trying to find peace while walking through the “mean” streets of Inwood on a bright, summer day with spring vibes and a sun yearning to kiss most with its heartwarming touch…
“Oh, are you the center of the Universe? Was I supposed to bow down to a Queen I didn’t think existed in Dyckman? Leave me alone, lady!”
I said inside of my head, wondering why it had to be me with how terrible I’ve felt about my existence lately. Here I am, having the upmost difficulty to raise a smile in the name of faith and a beautiful life I was blessed with by God and there she goes, sapping away the little happiness I had left for my day…
What was I supposed to say? Was I supposed to serenade her with love all based on a set of eyes I haven’t ever looked into? Was I supposed to bow down on my knees and remind her of how sexy she believed to be in her skin-tight, puke-green sundress I had no interest in lifting up at any point in time? Was I supposed to prioritize her big, fat ass over each breath preventing me from crying for the moment? Of course not! I’m just, sick and tired…
I’m just sick and tired of being kicked while I’m struggling to keep my head up. Whether it’s my family condemning my existence while reminding me of how worthless I am in their lives or strangers throwing jabs till I’m wobbly, I’m exhausted by it all. Because, I’ve never been this “lady’s man” or popular guy that others ever wanted to be around. Never have I been a person others wanted to include in their life whatsoever. When push comes to shove, I’ve always been the guy others, especially women, run away from being that I am “boring” amongst other things I’ve been called (too many expletive deleted). Never have I been the kind of “player” to just pick up woman on the fly regardless if I’m seen as a handsome dude. So, being told things like, “Oh, he must be gay!” really has an affect on my state of mind. She may not realize it, but, that’s major for guy like me (who everybody seems to hate no matter what I do)…
Nonetheless, I’m hoping she did find a man mystified by her beauty enough to stop and say, “Damn, girl!” Of course, I wouldn’t know what one would say to sway a woman to her side, but, I’m sure most get my drift. But, while I drift through my sea of tears every moment that I close my eyes, I would rather be left alone if it isn’t a hug anyone is trying to give me…
Peace & love ❤
m3l0dicverse 
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