Blank Stare

Sometimes,
All I can do is sit down and stare into space with a face more blank than a canvas painters are afraid to touch.
Feel pinned against a wall with a dagger as big as my list of mistakes throughout the last three years of my pathetic existence.
Seemingly possessed by a vengeful spirit too exhausted to seek revenge.
But,
I don’t really want to be.
It just,
Happens without my permission even if my mind is looking forward to a day full of difference.
No cannabis to cope,
Only peace of mind and soothing thoughts to get me through lonely nights like these.
Lonely nights where I hurt myself by abandoning promises I’ve made to myself.
By lighting up another joint,
Too fearful to willingly escape this Hell.
Yet,
For some reason,
My heart tells me that I will escape.
Some way,
Somehow,
As long as I keep my mouth shut and take advantage of my days,
Full of opportunities and grace I can choose to maintain,
Instead of this frown my inner demons never want me to put away,
With a smile that’ll burn their image into ash I spread amongst the grave,
Of every memory I’ve had to kill in order to move forward and praise!
God…
The only one who’s been there for me as I make up for my wrongs…