He repeated after watching Mike Breen go ‘ball’-listic while dazzled by Kawhi Leonard’s last-second, game winning shot against the 7sixers in game seven of their long-ass playoff series. I mean, Hell. He did it while in a Toronto Raptors jersey (makes it more exciting on behalf of their barrage of losses throughout NBA history.) But, after that petite burst of blissful shock, those ‘thoughts’ began swarming his mind again like starving mosquitos that finally found the sweetest blood on a hot summer day.
Goes his bottle of 1800. A bottle he deems convenient and self-serving for reasons other than it’s handy little cap slash shot glass.
“At least her memory isn’t hurting as much… And, may I say, George Carlin is a freaking legend!”
He says out loud to himself while drinking his night away, doing all that he can to avoid her daunting image inside of his head…
—–(The Flash Backz)—–
She meant the entire Universe and back to him. A woman more stunning than plethoras of wet roses struck by such an eye-catching glare while flowing to the winds of serenity. Winds of serenity she made him feel through his lungs whenever her lips pressed against his. And, all he can think about is how he sunk into a rabbit hole of despair while watching her close it with what seemed like cement…
“Sighs. I really just. Want her back. Please bring her back to me, God. Please?”
He asks himself within his own silence. Yet, he moves on to enjoy each day that passes by. How he manages to do so? Unknown even to himself. All he knows is, three years later and the thought of her smile still gives him goosebumps throughout every pulsating nerve left in his ailing body. Why? He’d wonder often, just until he heard that pop! Setting off a night he might just forget the next day after falling into a deep slumber he sometimes calls ‘a hit of Amnesia’. So hard to dream when your mind is shrouded in darkness, after all…
“Babe, I love the stupid faces you make, they’re so funny!”
He’d remember her telling him during that stretch where he lived in the South Bronx, Bruckner Boulevard. So many moments where they’d giggle, tickle and joke with each other under his living room skylight. Moments completely alone with each other along with the sounds of their joy and laughter. Just until that turbulent wave of despair comes crashing down upon his waning spirit…
—(When Depression Hits)—
“Why can’t I just, disappear like the entire world wants me to?”
Replaying in his head over and over again. Along with thoughts of how he can pull off the world’s greatest act of Magic while watching Pen & Teller reruns on Youtube.
“If only she gave more f*cks about my depression like she did a stranger during her stupid business trips.”
If only she would – this! If only she would – that! He’d keep reiterating just until his Guilt started slapping him sideways with one rebuttal after the other.
“Dude, as if you didn’t yell at her from the top of your lungs while breaking your record of F words each and every. Single. Time.”
His inner Guilt would say in more of a sarcastic tone.
“Yea, yea. Yea. I get it. But, still. What she did, for a few months, while smiling in my face after being “entangled” with another guy? It’s wrong, guy!”
He’d yell back at himself, belching every curse word you can possibly ever come across. But, one day his burning hot tears singed an answer on the floors he wallowed on.
Forgiveness. One word he’s wrestled with in his world’s most deathly Iron Man Match you could ever be a part of. A one round bout longer and sweatier than Bret “The Hitman” Hart going head to head with Shawn Michaels “The Heartbreak Kid” at Wrestlemania XII for the WWF title (the good ole’ days). But, as much as he’d love to be victorious, he knew it was time for the pin. Time to understand how denial was inevitably a losing battle. How my anger mutilated any ounce of love we had left, even if she had made mistakes at the end, as well. Thinking, who’s ever perfect besides God in the first place?…
“Maybe…” He thought. “I should just say, sorry…But, would she even give my ass that chance to begin with…”
Hey there! Thank you so much for reading up to this point 💜. I just wanted to let my readers know that I will be posting more short stories as this is my first one as well as my usual poetry. Although it’s nerve racking, I love writing stories, too. Please enjoy, I love all of y’all beautiful souls 💜!