Bittersweet Suicidez

Ever wake from a nightmare and forget who you were in the first place?
Mind so blank while you second all the voices compelling you to immerse Pain,
Into every single nerve urging you to write an escape?
As a writer not afraid!
To reveal his wounds and drown the masses in Blood dripping from His veins…

My inner child is a Being I am dying to connect with.
Willing to undergo rebirth rather than purchasing the next spliff.
Just to have a sit down with the Light I’ve been blessed with.
Instead of floating in the darkness where I
mesh with my inner beast…

“Get away from me!”
Is what he screams while he simmers trees…
Exiled by the Wolf Pack,
Now crowded by bitter leaves…
“Come back to me!”
Is what he screams while hit by the Winter breeze.
Although sun kissed,
He writes inside a bubble by an open window where he begs to sit and freeze…

Each instance of wind clashing against the nostrils of a Beast,
Is fuel for the next meal He must hunt,
Kill and eat.
Reminders of every night He was denied warmth in order to survive…
Pills and drinks!
The only company he had day and night just to feel like He was high.
But,
Still he sinks…
Into an Abyss no other would think,
Exists in a Universe surrounded by light every Corner you encounter…

An anomaly devouring Life as he scowers thee city streets.
Yet,
He feels emotions from His human side cowering behind His need.
For a trail of people rotting in the flesh as He willingly speaks,
The language of His Tears through a tongue not a soul has seen…

Silent…
His true second nature,
No matter if described as boisterous and violent,
Any time he strums every cord from his neck like a violin.
He just knows when to strike,
And,
Save His best for when it’s time His,
Heart alerts him to grab the mic,
And,
Give him the floor any moment he’s off His vices…

*lighters flick*

“I apologize if anyone thought they wouldn’t hear from me.
Isolation from society and it’s War for more was a must as I crush each,
Bit of bud I had left when I chose to roll differently…
Moments of hysteria while gripped by those hysterical prompted me to swipe left viciously,
As I called for Dragons to be slain while I write,
Uplifting me!
Myself,
And I…

See.
I’ve been way too familiar with mangled bridges.
I don’t care about burning nor building them!
Because,
When I was hanging off of one,
It was God that lifted me off the edge and held my head up above,
Waters too shallow to explore…

But,
The true cunundrum we must address?
How we’re split from different avenues and refuse to intersect.
Something us loners have being doing from thee get.
A lifestyle forced upon me as I became the reject.
Only difference is?
Being kicked to the curb,
University ave. schooled me on the streets,
Wet!
Of blood from countless bodies who could not survive heaps of suicidal thoughts….
Yet,
I!
Still stand in a War most are losing nowadays…

Today?
You’ll hear others say,
‘What to do without a 9 to 5?
What is there to do when there is not a stage for me to shine?
I think it’s time for me to look inside,
And face the demons I have been ignoring for some wine.’
The same lines said when others stood still next to sick souls like mine,
Watching us cry!
Calling us weak for wanting to stick knives,
All across our spines,
So that you can see us die!

Go ahead and stay distant!
Feel what monsters like me felt when we stayed itching,
For someone else to see the pain banging on our chest while you stayed ditching.
All the friends you’ve had grave-digging.
Their own plot in a story we control,
Just until the page is finished!
Ink is dry,
Not a pen in sight,
Just a mind locked in a hurricane misting, From a far…

Oh,
How I would’ve loved to mean it as I said that.
But,
I wouldn’t wish bad,
On anyone,
Even if I heard ‘Click-Clack!’,
As I turned around fulfilling every promise I had set back,
Throughout a life loaded on barrels shooting for the stars to get past,
The trail of suffering I left myself…
You get back what you put out!
As I,
In return,
Received a ticket straight to hell.
And climbing up top from the hottest depths of Perdition,
Not a chance will another’s treason have to pierce my divine shell,
Of freedom,
From a Cave of Bitterness that knows no Peace…”

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