How Can I?

Mornings like these I can’t seem to rhyme any word together without being disgusted.
All I can do is spew out sentences that will get me no where while I,
Cry.
Because,
That’s all I’ve been doing lately.
Nothing but a tsunami of tears trying to drown away every thought of suicide,
Knowing I’m a world laughing in my face the moment I walk outside for some solace.
Solace I can’t seem to find anywhere I walk towards.
But…
Then there’s Jesus.
I know he’s there,
But,
I can’t help lay defeated.
No family,
No food for the holidays,
How can I keep my faith when my life is waning away right in front of my eyes?
A tragedy I have to witness every time I look into a mirror stained with an image I so desperately want to wash away…
Just,
How?
How can I?…