Hiatus

Never sorry about a hiatus from a game I don’t really want to play anymore.
Lord…
What am I even here for?…
I’m not like the average individual trying to dress in the same visuals,
Mess with the same principles,
Like the people they see on TV while they live miserable…
Don’t even know myself all the way through,
But,
The moment I was through with those bottles,
Is the moment that I knew I would go full throttle!
On this page with tears falling as I wallow,
In my own pity…

Just being honest,
There’s nobody on the side with me.
I’m alone,
In my own zone,
Reigning over all the thoughts that I control without missing,
What would not miss me!
It’s the only place I can open up and face,
A head knotted by a past full of hits provided by Mary Jane and her “give me,”
“Give me,
“Give me now!”
Way of doing things…

Like,
Burning a bridge whether or not I reach a Dead End.
Like,
Breaking the hearts of buds I’m setting apart above a plank they put me on,
As if I wasn’t friend to them.
Like,
Rolling along a bad joint,
Raw in nature,
But,
Unfaithful when you need a friend then…

But,
I’m tired…
Eventually,
You’re going to want to stand up and fly higher,
Rather than standing by and watching everyone aspire,
To what they want to be,
While you sink!
Down below in some butane from a lighter,
Sparking flames bound to be put out by the tears falling from your face,
While you break,
And admire what you could’ve been if you were not held back by the demons in your mind,
Cursing every move you make!

I’m meant for more than a grave that used to have my name on it.
All I wanted?
Was my Mother to forgive me while I’m  crying in a labyrinth I’ve been locked in…
But,
Even if it seems,
That I will always be the enemy,
To the woman who befriended each,
Person sworn to get the best of me,
I’m letting every bullet out of a chamber she hoped I’d never break free from…
After all,
Life is not a movie,
And,
Once you get hit?
There’s not a button in the world giving you a rerun…