Commitment

I’m willing to fight.
To the death.
For me to write!
For me to ride!
Till the end,
For me to rhyme,
Despite,
All the tears in my eyes…

I often think of commitment,
While our sun’s on the rise…
But I?
Have no other choice but to dive,
Into a sea,
Where murky waters run deep!
So that I can see,
Why I’ve sunk so deep…

An illusion brought to fruition by a family tree,
But,
I branched out.
Leaving for a world of poetry…
Words that flow out of my mind when I’m drunk on a can.
Shooting shot after shot while this dream lasts,
Of her taking me back…

But,
It isn’t going to happen,
And I’m snapping.
Ironic while I spit bars that I’m trapped in…
I can’t help but think I deserve better.
She stormed out whether or not I was hanging by the edge.
A reality I couldn’t weather.
Tear after tear I was drowned in…

Found in,
An abyss,
Confusion.
She said we’d still be together if I popped the question a year ago.
But,
I remember every damn time I said I wanted marriage from the bottom of my soul.
Without a ring sold…

I guess my touch wasn’t like Midas,
As I might just bust a rhyme under mine…
While she ignores every line written.
Depicting why I love her more than life,
Smitten…
By the thought that I can pantomime,
A hug with my pillows at night…

Open your doors,
And they might just close it back up.
Losing yourself on a road,
Far away from divinity while your heart’s sewn shut.
From each incision,
Of you,
Sticking,
Fingers causing friction,
Matching division with each stitch imprinted on my skin,
Akin to sin,
Swinging hip to hip in the lake of fire you put me in…

Driven into a road of insanity, 
A U turn was made into Vanity.
Dearly departed was I,
For another man that caught your eye,
But,
Will never catch your heart like mine…
I had to rise.
A second time
A metempsychosis,
While a pen is frozen,
In my palms,
Attempting to open,
A resting notice,
To remind my soul,
The difference is the vessel I recreated,
This time around,
Without of hatred,
I once had for myself…

What else can you do,
When you only have your mind to guide you? Materializing knives while my eyes move,
Realizing all the lies my mind fine-tunes,
Refining every damn song my mind loops,
Of how I would’ve given my life for you,
Our history will be rewritten with the same knife you stabbed my back with…

All this time…
Committed to a Devil with a grin.
No wonder why I kept looking down with each kiss to my chin.
Glare as seductive as ink in my pen,
While I stare at a cage inside a set of eyes I’m trapped in.
Once my world until you drew me outside of it.
Erased from our canvas…

Hurt,
With each swipe of the rubber.
Still.
It’s funny,
How the situation isn’t unique,
Being that U N I are in the word,
I can hear the hurt when you speak.
Yet,
You rather listen to an ugly soul hiding jealousy towards us,
The entire time we were both happy!

“Ignore his phone calls!
“Let him warm himself up while the snow falls!”
“You deserve better than a man having close calls with death.”
“How can you keep on with a man who’s already dead?”
And all I can say,
The reason why I feel as such is because,
You left…
What’s left to be said?

But,
Nowadays I find comfort waking up next to a pen.
This time committed to erasing a scar blinding me from who was there to save me in the first place.
Myself…

---

*Side Note*

Hopefully everybody who made it this far is doing more than amazing :). Please excuse my absence for the last couple of days, really had to watch my mental health for the last week. But, scrolling through my poems, I found this old piece I had written a few years ago when I hit Rock Bottom after a breakup. Made me really want to say that if you haven’t heard it in a while, I love you, you’re beautiful and you’re worth all of your dreams in this life of ours. With so many hidden talents waiting for you to grasp it without ever letting go for eternity. God bless y’all, don’t ever let anything keep y’all down <3…