Happy Birthday Dear…

“Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday to you!
Happy Birthday dear…”

That’s typically where the tears come in,
Unable to finish the lyric,
Neither lip in sync with a sentence intended to celebrate a picture with me in it.
Maybe it’s because I’m the only you will ever hear singing it,
Anytime the date of my birth strikes!
Midnight,
While the monster inside of my mind!
Keeps ringing as I try my hardest to avoid Its call…

So!
I make my own tune.
My own rhythm.
A song no one else can sing along to as I’m left imprisoned!
In my own thoughts!
Rightfully so!
As I make incisions,
On a piece of paper,
Same way I’ve made them on my skin ridding that feeling of abandonment…

Growing tired of bandages,
Aid was found in a pad attacking this,
Demon formed by memories of friends I had witnessed,
Walk right out of my doors…
Heads down,
In respect to the death of connections I no longer mourn…
I learned to plug gaps of any kind with poems they’ll eventually explore…

Especially those where I was ripped from my family picture.
Writing lines like,
“We’re in a good place,
So happy!
To be surrounded by winners…”
Even if I’m really saying,
“Where are you?
Please help!
My mind keeps getting sicker and sicker…”
Crickets in return after watching my rebirth,
As they glare from the sidelines unbelievably bitter…

With Water embodying larger portions of Earth,
I gladly spill blood when battling,
What I no longer want attached to me.
Whether it be dramatic pieces of work,
Or walking past concrete jungles that kill you with Vanity!
Caught by a net working your neck with Vines of Death forcing your clocks to tick-tock faster!
Than your slip into Insanity…

So,
Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday,
To me.
Or,
Happy Birthday to…
A new life without anchors latched on to my ankles while swimming into the Deep.
My opportunity to leave behind imprints of my father’s fists across my cheeks left for the world to see as his way of celebrating me.
My opportunity to leave behind a mother who wished she’d impale a knife through my chest,
Over my attempt to just,
“Speak”…
My opportunity to pick up all the pieces of my broken heart and find,
Peace…