Got My Spine Back

Coming clean to my beloved about cheating
in less than 24 hours?
Wasn’t easy.
But,
It had to be done.
Especially,
After months and months of feeling destroyed by the woman I loved…

Desperate was I to find salvation for a heart being teared apart by the sounds of her rejections.
How,
I wasn’t good enough unless I had bands full of money aiding my wounds,
Through many rendezvous she vowed to cross off of her checklist.
Bleeding internally from every shot buried deep within my neck and,
Chest!
Where I still treasured her unconditionally…

Yet,
Conditions were placed upon my decisions.
The way I had caused friction?
Was a problem.
All the weed I was sifting?
Just nonsense.
Unless,
She had hinted to cop some…
She would’ve left,
But!
I begged enough to stop us,
From separating that same night…
Laying next to her hoping she’d forgive me,
Thinking she was planning her revenge out of spite…
But,
Like every mystery of the century,
What I learned a few days after?
Had me hanging off a cliff!
The minute she admitted what she had been doing for several nights…

Three months,
Plus,
To be exact.
Way before I ever thought of marring such a sweet love everyone believed to be in tact.
“He really does support you,
He has your back!”
Is what others said when they witnessed the bond we had…
Yet,
What happened when I didn’t have enough stock in my pockets?
She carved out my spine!
While I watched it,
Bleeding in her wretched hands!

At least,
It’s how I’d like to feel,
You know.
Her being “wretched” and wicked.
But,
If I wasn’t being honest,
I would say that I was perfect,
Just a troubled man who is gifted.
Truth is,
The more I tried staying present,
Those gifts were stolen temporarily by those demons blocking my vision.
A family whom tried killing me,
As I fell to my addictions…

She had every right to leave,
Yes!
But,
If I were her?
I wouldn’t come back bitching!
The day she sees my shine like she did every time we were hugging and kissing…
I’ve missed her for a while,
But,
All I’ve wanted back was my life,
And I got it through these scriptures that were written,
By a God who would never leave my side,
No matter how bad it can get on my road to certain kinds of riches.
Riches where I smile in peace!
Doing what I love without anyone’s permission…

I may have slipped,
But instead of catching me,
She began tripping.
Left behind in the physical,
To school me on a life worth living.
Dead in her mind,
Yet,
I came back to life,
So that I can begin putting on a clinic!
Of putting every rapper in a body bag while I lay them in a ditch and!
Saving myself from a hypocrite who fell back on the same addictions…