Lying To My Damn Self

I won’t lie.
I want the money to change me tonight…
I won’t lie.
I want the money to change me tonight…
Getting my weight up with pockets I fill up with dimes…
I’m trying to get high and never come down while I fly.
Country to country with God up above me and scry,
For all of my enemies!
Both of my hands have been finicky!
Writing with blood on a page!
All of your eyez on me while I rage!
With this menacing!
Rhythm I lay on the line when it’s me against the world sinning emphatically…

In other words,
I feel like I’m on a curb,
Higher than most,
On some days…
But,
I’m still down for an Earth,
Where I sit down and sun gaze,
Soaking in what guns blaze.
All the heat,
That I’m trying to spray!

I won’t lie…
I wanted the money to kill me tonight.
I won’t lie…
I wanted the money to kill me tonight.
But,
I won’t die!
My veins flow Ice…

So I’m,
Migrating my entire state of mind,
To another place!
Borderline crazy,
Needed solitary in a way.
Just to aim at my targets different.
Through a lens that can only see better from distance.
So many 40s!
While looking for answers,
Since sobriety bored me.
I figured since Mom wanted to abort me,
Might as well raise the Hell on an Earth and and stay home for the world to adore me…

All I wanted was a love that couldn’t be broken!
All I wanted was a love that should’ve been spoken…
But,
None of that matters when it’s the only Mother you got.
So,
I’m keeping my head up and pray that the fighting would stop…
If I’m fighting with her,
I’m fighting the Earth,
Destroying my soil…
If I’m fighting with her,
I’m fighting the Earth,
Destroying what’s royal…

Therefore,
I’ll be the King she wanted me to be.
Not a prisoner,
Even if I’m dope,
I can’t be held legally…
Courting the truth till I die.
Reaching my hands up to God while I write.
Revelations of myself,
For my nieces and nephew to escape any darkness that may rise.
Look up with a smile when I couldn’t while giving a kiss to the sky…

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