Binging On The Thought Of Death

What got me through a day of work?
The possibility of killing myself after clocking out.
Honestly,
My only source of motivation as I’m nodding out every few seconds since it’s taking everything I got in me!
To…
End the night,
Without blood splatter in sight,
Regardless of how desperate I am to,
Die…

What?
Would you rather read the words of a liar who carries nothing but malicious intent?
All I’m doing is venting out my frustrations,
Parts of my soul that’s been aching and aching for answer I’ve chased for,
Far too long…

Now?
I can care less for any of those answers whatsoever,
All I want is a moment to alleviate my sorrows with a prayer while I run towards dreams tethered,
To my soul for eternity.
And,
Even then!
I can’t seem to fall on my knees with my hands together,
Without rage flowing through my veins while a taste for vengeance festers,
On a tongue with buds that aren’t receptive to my pestering thoughts…

Why should I care,
Anyway?
Why should I care for an answer I should’ve received while stuck in side of a cave full of monsters with shadows I can’t make out?
What I have is more so a Kiss of Death more deadly than what Judas gave Jesus.
A rest for demons who need it without a stack of silver dollar pancakes to eat in the morning as I forbear mourning over their,
Disappearance…

What they don’t know?
Is how I do endure the whiplashing,
On my body while nailed to a corner writhing in pain with a new found faith I’ve been lacking.
All it is?
Is just blood,
Sweat and tears that quench my thirst as I send them packing!
With nothing but a chip on their shoulders to feast on,
Regardless of how maddening it is!

With no other choice but to watch me rise from Death by ashes and a binge…
Of alcohol and other lies I had to quit as it all kept my wrists tied to another hit,
And,
Another hit!
That couldn’t floor me no matter how hard that collision was…

Survival of the fittest for anyone who believes in,
God…