The Dark Hour

Yes,
I often think of suicide,
But,
Still have the courage to refuse such atrocity.
Because,
My life was given!
It was never mine to take in the first place regardless of how many demons got to me…

After all,
It’s my job to thwart them off of my shoulders.
If I don’t,
I deserve every consequence that looms over my soul.
If I coast without God in mind,
I deserve to drown within a sea of tears only I can produce as my sadness flows,
From a set of eyes too exhausted to open…

All I’ve been doing is dreaming and rolling along with a smile on my face.
Yet,
Every feeling in the inside is darker than what anyone can imagine.
Ever since my heart broke,
It’s been too dark for me to see light shining from two hands invested into our salvation.
The madness!
Of how dark it’s been.
I can’t see my lips rise in a mirror I stand face to face with.
Sin has stayed by my side!
Next to my cache of fruit I dip into as I pay the price,
Of,
Not being who I truly am,
Unapologetically.
Too often do I find myself saying sorry for the love I’ve lost,
Respectively,
Toward every one who left me abandoned for spending sprees,
Kicking me while I’m down at the cost of our friendships now seized to exist…

I get it,
I may have messed up flaunting Mary Jane as an option for my dream wedding.
But,
As I noticed every shade of colors that have now set in place over what used to be,
We were never that different!
With so much Red dripping from the corners of my lips,
All they could see was Red they craved for as I tried my best to keep distant,
After chasing them for too long…
And,
I still do!
As I sit in a room crying in the inside just,
Trying to be strong…