Religiously ConfuZed…

“And now we bow our heads and pray…”
“Amen…”

Funny how I just walked past the preacher man,
With my head already down.
I don’t understand,
Most likely never will.
It isn’t in my will to fall to my knees,
Especially,
When the Pastor’s busy touching kids behind the scenes…

It’s not really my type of thing.
But,
I find myself pondering upon my inner conscious.
Confused…
Not knowing what to do if I can’t choose to trust,
Those who claim to be faithful,
Lacking real love…

What do I seek?
What to believe?
The man who said he’s out for blood and kills a mother fucker on the street?
Or the man who cheats,
Lies,
Steals,
And goes back to yell at his alter,
Trying to alter one’s reality?

I got an idea…
Why not take control of my own life?
I was born alone in Mom’s womb,
Nobody else in my shoes.
So,
Who are you,
Trying to tell me what to do?
I think about that frequently,
While tying myself in a noose…

Awoken to no one but I,
Yet,
Born hooked to an umbilical cord snipped off,
Tied to her forever at a price,
As I was ripped off.
But,
Whether we bump heads
We come together as one no matter the weather between us,
Because,
It was her telling me to stay clear,
Of all my fears,
Steering past my peers acting real,
Instead,
Of just trying to be…

Committing many wrongs and lied much,
I had a problem with myself.
See,
Growing up,
Love wasn’t there to guide me.
With parents having trouble,
Surviving,
In a poor neighborhood where they had to worry about me dying,
How were they supposed to show different?
Whipping,
Hitting and pitting my innocence against temptation,
Only test they took…

It was my turn to take it,
Cheat my way out,
And pass.
Didn’t know what privelege was,
My dad’s skin is black…
I just knew I’m worth more than the bare minimum,
So,
I stepped into light trying to blackout,
Get my raps out,
Cast out demons,
Laying on my shoulders for all the wrong reasons…

Why am I to chant a bible verse?
Stained with blood all over it?
Im over it.
Does it really matter if Mom and Dad tried to sit me down at church?
I never understood why,
I wanted answers from them!
I couldn’t walk similar steps akin,
As I strolled with Satan for a little while…

He showed me another side of life,
Without shackles.
Still,
I often spoke to God from a distance,
As he unraveled,
A certain truth about Being…

It’s all about love and believing…
Always thought I was nothing,
Therefore,
I had nothing.
But I looked above myself past the clouds I keep puffing,
And found a higher purpose,
Killing verses,
On this surface,
While I’m hurting,
Healing,
Every sentence worded with a bit of Serenity…

So,
I sing,
Do what you love.
Do what you must,
To lift yourself up,
From the curb.
And break away from the herd…
Let the rest be the same.
Stuck in the same page,
While their futures are written for them,
As they watch you keep scoring for humanity.
Be free.
Be free.
Be free!
There ain’t no other way to be,
Like the ruler of your destiny…